Often times you find yourself lost in the “please them, lose you” state of being. It may not always be intentional but that is just how the cards fall. Personally I was stuck there for years and just saw no escape. Always wondering if I did what put me at peace and in the forefront would there be a change in who “depended on me or used manipulation for their gain” would still be around. Guess what, I was right and I was also wrong. I never knew how freeing of the doubt or “users” would feel. Don’t get me wrong I am not 100% there but the progress/process has been rewarding. The ask are less as well as the negativity. I created my own cleansing by owning what was ultimately “Mayas”.
What made me reflect on the growth of my current being? Good question. I was sitting and going through my books and ran across Familiar Ground by Michelle Lynn, when I first read this book it had my mind racing. Connecting to Leah and Adam on a level of being the backbone for those who refuse to use their own. I knew it was fiction and could have had some realness in it but I felt as if the author interviewed me personally as I went through the events of this book. See I know what it feels like to feel as if it’s your obligation to tend to people who are old enough and capable of defending themselves, either monetary or just problem solving. That becomes a burden to you personally and a crutch to the person on the receiving end. I am choosing not to carry that burden or be that crutch because when I need someone to offer that same courtesy there is an excuse.
Like Adam and Leah mine was in form of family as well. It hurts but sometimes you have to step back and find you as well as surround yourself with people who have the same vision and motivation. Allow them to be that coach or “FREE” therapist from time to time. To help steer you in the direction of benefit and growing as a person and who directly depend on you either it be children or animals. You lose sight of what’s in front of you when there is so much outside demand. Remember you matter or you will be in a state of lost. Never moving forward and always being that crutch. This is your time, own yourself and no longer work for someone else. It isn’t healthy and leads to a road of depression and stress. Trust me I know, depression and stress consumed me for months. I was a shell of my former self, not caring when all I just to do is live and be among the living. It was a long journey but I found my happy and doing what makes my soul feel the same way. The fault was of no ones but myself and I am taking ownership and using it as strength and not a burden.
Thank you for reading my post and please check out the book by Michelle Lynn. She is a great author and will keep you in a state of thought and reflection all the time.
*clicking on the book title in the second paragraph and the author name in the last will take you to her Amazon page.